Eviction Notice Has Been Served!

Sigh. Well. Yet another week at the doctor without ANY progress. I was so hopeful at the first visit with an exam, because she said I was very effaced (thin... which is good) and short (also good.) She even felt her head! Last three weeks... a big fat NOTHING. I've actually been pretty fine with it because there's still things I want to get done (I don't think you are ever REALLY "ready" though. I could clean for a decade and not be "ready," I'm weird like that), but today I was slightly discouraged. All I want is one centimeter. ONE! Is that too much to ask?
We've been calling my womb her "apartment" this whole time. Well, Hayden's apartment has gotten a little too cozy apparently. She has no plans on moving out any time soon! Well, her eviction notice has been served, so she better start packing those boxes! My uterus is not rent controlled prime New York City real estate. The For Sale sign is up, and there are seven bidders: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Pick one already and let's get this show on the road!
I've been telling Will (to his incredulity) that I'm going to miss being pregnant; and it's true. You carry something around for nine months, and you get kind of fond of it. Ya know. The perks far outweigh the downside of it for me. I'm really going to miss her rolling around in there. Right now, she's all mine. And as long as she stays put, then I can keep her safe forever and no one will ever, ever hurt her. At the same time, I am really curious to know what she looks like, what she's going to be like, to get the next part of my life started! And everyone around me is very anxious. It would be nice to call someone (anyone) without the opening line, "It's not time." I have to say that, because as soon as people see my name on caller id, they break into a sweat, mainly my dad. At 5:30 this morning, the fire alarm beeps annoyingly loud. Great. Are you flipping kidding me? Since the Great Attic Incident of Christmas 2011, I'm not even allowed on a footstool in this house. Will has already left the house for work, so I call my dad, who not only is across the street at his office (yep... my entire family works across the street. I literally only have to cross the street) but  he's in the line of business that fixes these things. Double bonus. So I call him up, because I know he's at work already. Here's how it pretty much went down:
Me: Oh, the fire alarm is beeping. How annoying! Let me call dad to fix this. It's 5:30 am, he's at work!
*ring ring ring*
Dad: (panic stricken) Hello?!
Me: It's not time.
Dad: It's not time?
Me: No, it's not time. But my fire alarm is beeping and it woke me up.
Dad: (exasperated) *huff *puff* Oh. Well. Okay. I'll send Marshall over to fix it.
Me: Okay. Thanks, Dad.
(Six hours later at lunchtime.)
*Ring ring ring*
Me: Hi Dad!
Dad: Hey Smooch. You really spazzed me out this morning.
Me: I know. Sorry, Dad.
Dad: I did not think when you called me at 5:30 in the morning that you would tell me that your fire alarm was going off.
Me: I know, Dad. It was a practice run. Next time will be the real deal. I promise.

I hope nothing else out of the ordinary happens at 5:30 am in the next week. He might have a hernia.

So, on to next week. I still have nine days on the clock. Since Hayden is being so lackadaisical about this whole deal, I went ahead and made a hair appointment for Friday. I'm not going into the hospital with roots. I have big plans this week now. Tomorrow: trim the cat's claws. Thursday: mani/pedi (Not only for me, but I'm sure my doctor will appreciate it) Friday: hair. Hope Miss Hayden got the memo.

Stay put til then, June Bug. 

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The Bachelorette, Starring Emily!

I came into the whole Bachelor/Bachelorette thing a little late in the game. I just started watching the Bachelor with Jake's season, which was 3 Bachelors ago. I rarely watch the Bachelorette, because I'd much rather watch girls duke it out than a bunch of guys, but I'm making an exception this season of the Bachelorette for one reason and one reason only-- Emily. Emily Maynard was a contestant on Brad's season and almost immediately became what we call "America's Sweetheart." Only few women hold this title, and the rest of them are celebritites (ahem, Jennifer Aniston.) However, Emily came into the Bachelor as just a normal girl looking for love and ended up capturing America's heart with her beauty and sweetness. She ended up catching Bachelor Brad, too, but we all know how that went down, as it always does. Brad was a good ol' Texas boy who owns several bars on Sixth Street in Austin (The Dizzy Rooster, The Chuggin' Monkey, and Molotov) where he currently lives; and he'll be the first to admit that he just messed it all up. At least he can be honest. But what made it all the more heartbreaking was that not only was Emily going through a public breakup on national magazines, but it was what she had already been through prior to the Bachelor. One of the things that I think endeared us all to Emily was not the fact that she looked like a living Barbie doll and was very humble and modest on top of it all, it was the fact that she had endured suffering and came out on the other side. One of my favorite quotes was said by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross: “The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”  So very true. And as beautiful as Emily is on the outside, she is even more beautiful on the inside. Emily had dated famous NASCAR driver Ricky Hendrick for several years; he was her first love. They were engaged to be married when he was killed with nine others after their plane crashed into a mountain on the way to a race in October 2004 due to pilot error in heavy fog. Five days later, Emily discovered she was pregnant with their daughter, Ricki. Heart, meet knife. And twist. Devastating. It was obvious to everyone on the Bachelor how very important her daughter was to her, how guarded she was with her life, her feelings. I thought it might be the end of her chances with Brad, but he was so sick in love with her that he held tough and she got the ring in the end. Alas, it wasn't to be. As a fan favorite, the producers of the Bachelor have hounded her to be the Bachelorette since the break up, and she's turned them down several times. However, they made the agreement to hold the Bachelorette in the Bachelorette's hometown for the first time (instead of LA) so that Emily could still be home with her daughter and tend to her mommy duties. I think that says a lot about her. The second week just ended and I'm starting to pick out some favorites and some that I don't care for. I'm resisting temptation to check out Reality Steve. I usually can't handle it anymore by the sixth or seventh week and go read on the inside scoop, but I don't want to this time. I want to be surprised! I usually read because either a) I want reassurance that the Bachelor isn't going to pick the total B of the group that everyone in America hates (but that's usually how it turns out) or b) I read the scoop on Brad's season because I was dying with anxiety over whether or not he picked Emily, because I was ready to swear off the Bachelor forever if he didn't. 
On this season of the Bachelorette, there is a guy from Houston. Unfortunately, he's been pegged by the other guys as a total douche. Great representin', Kalon. But, even though he does stick his foot in his mouth at times, he's kinda gotten a bad rap. First, he showed up the first night in a helicopter fashionably late. Awesome entrance; however, the other guys weren't so enthused. Second, he's a "luxury brand consultant," which I take to mean that he's a buyer for the likes of Louis Vuitton, Gucci, Dolce & Gabbana, somewhere along those lines. He showed up with Louis Vuitton luggage and all the guys think he's a total jerk. He reminds me of Ryan Phillippe when he played Sebastian Valmont in Cruel Intentions, the updated version of Dangerous Liasons. He even looks like him. I hope the fact that Sebastian totally screwed over and then fell in love with Reese Witherspoon's (another of America's Sweethearts) character and then dies tragically at the end is not a precursor of what's to come for Kalon. At the same time, he's not who I want Emily to end up with, either. I haven't decided that yet, but I do like Ryan so far. They had a good one-on-one date, and if I do say so myself, he is quite the looker. I do not like Stevie. What guy in their late twenties still goes by a name like Stevie? And he's a "party MC." Okay, you're a DJ. Great. Go work at the club every night while Emily is cooking dinner and putting her kid to bed. Really? I hope he doesn't last. Plus, he's kind of jerky. Anyways, that's my two cents so far. All I really want in the end is for Emily to find her fairy tale. Granted, a huge percentage of the Bachelors haven't worked out, but one Bachelorette DID marry the guy she picked nine years ago and they now have two children. The last Bachelorette, Ashley Hebert, is still going strong with her man, JP. So, there's hope. I think Emily has a good head on her shoulders and will make a wise decision. Stay tuned!

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My First Mother's Day

Last weekend we celebrated Mother's Day, and I was finally able to celebrate being a "mommy" too. Will took me out to eat on Saturday at a place of my choosing, and I picked Red Lobster where we stuffed ourselves silly. Red Lobster has really picked it up since I was a kid. It's pretty nice there, and good food, too! We don't eat there too often, but I think we will now. Those buttery garlic rolls were awesome. We came home and watched The Change-Up with two of my favorite actors, Jason Bateman and Ryan Reynolds. I don't know why we waited so long to see it, because it was hilarious! It's our kind of movie, really. We had some laugh out loud moments (which are the best kind!) The next morning, Will went to the airport and picked up his mom, who was actually just at Hobby airport for a several-hour layover, coincidentally. So she got to come over and see Hayden's room and spend an hour or two with us before she had to be back for her flight. We dropped her off on the way to officially celebrate the day with my family.
On the way to my parents' house, we saw the craziest thing! We were sitting on the feeder road off the Beltway turning left onto 288 south. Of course, as it is with nearly every red light I'm at these days, there is a "homeless" person peddling for money. (I just never really know if they are truly homeless.... I know some of them are. But  I've also seen 20/20 and some of them are just hiding their Jeep Grand Cherokees around the corner. Ya know?) Times are tough and the economy is bad and everyone is struggling. Everyone. I don't have a dollar to give you, or even some change. Because I need that dollar, too. And if I gave a dollar to every homeless person I saw, then I'd be homeless, too. Anyways, not the time to rant, you get it. So, there's this guy peddling for money to get to Abilene to start his "new job on Monday." Next thing I know, we hear this yelling coming from outside the vehicle. We look over to see another homeless man with his ZZ Top beard screaming at the Abilene homeless man to "get out of here" and to "get off his corner." The bearded homeless guy is hobbling with some crutches towards the Abilene guy. He was actually just dragging the crutches because he didn't really need them, they were obviously just a prop! And as we're noticing this, we also notice that he has pulled a knife out of his pocket! Now they are both screaming at each other, the one throws his crutches down, and I'm thinking we are about to witness a murder over a street corner! Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, the light turned green and we had to drive away. Will was laughing and telling me to keep watching because he wanted to know what happened. I never saw anything on the news, so I supposed the Abilene guy lived.

We made it to my parents' house for some present opening. I had already gotten a present from my mom, a couple of Scentsy warmers I wanted and a nursing gown for the hospital. My dad (he's so sweet) bought me a painted wine glass saying "It's a Girl!" Will gave me a Willow Tree figurine (which I collect) of the couple with the pregnant wife, and a DVD of The Vow, which I loved.
The whole family, now including my brother, went to eat at Perry's Steakhouse in Sugarland. Fine dining at it's best; the meal was delicious and we even got dessert. My dad had given my mom a Dillard's giftcard as part of her Mother's Day gift, so we hopped across the street afterwards to First Colony Mall to do a little shopping. I bought Hayden another outfit, Lord help me! This child's closet is stocked to the brim already, but it's so hard to resist! I did this quite quickly while my dad and Will were parking the car, but the Dillard's bag is kind of hard to not notice once they met us inside. I was meandering through the shoe department just smiling away as I saw Will down at the end. He was smiling too, until his eyes got to the bag. He rolled his eyes and said, "Please don't tell me there's another outfit in there," and I said, "There's another outfit in there," with my prettiest smile, ready to sprout off my rationalization that it's Mother's Day and I can do what I want. But, I didn't have to. I justified it by saying, "It's for 12 months! For next year! I'm thinking ahead!" and he let it die (thankfully.) But I'm going to have to curb this problem somehow. I got on Etsy last week and went crazy on the hairbows. Then my mom and I went to Hobby Lobby, where I discovered that I am creative and crafty enough to make my own bows. I'll say it again, Lord help me! Hayden is going to be like my own living American Girl doll. We are going to be having fashion shows all the time. But, that's a whole 'nother blog for another time.

I was very happy to have spent the day with my family, who are the people I love most in the whole world. My mother deserves to be celebrated. She is what holds our family together. My mom has been there for me every day that I can remember; there has never been a time that I felt like I was alone or that she wasn't there for me. I know without a doubt that if I had no one in this world, that I would have my mom. Even though I'm grown now, I still look to my mom and want my mom with me. If I'm sick, I want my mom. If I am crying, I want my mom. If I am happy, I want my mom. She is my best friend in the whole world! Being with my mom is my favorite thing. She has been my example of what a wife and a mother should be. I'm so grateful and thankful that those are both things she's best. She's the perfect wife for my dad and she takes care of him everyday. She is always thinking of ways to make him happy or to help him. They are best friends and he adores her. She does all the same things for Grant and I, too. We are so lucky to have her. I love you, Mama. I'm so thankful that God chose you to be my mom. I'm the luckiest daughter in the world, and I will always be here for you, just like you've done for me.
I hope everyone enjoyed their Mother's Day, too. Mom's are special people. I can't wait to find out the true meaning of it all, soon enough. 

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Diapers Galore!

A couple of Saturdays ago, my mom and dad threw Will and I a diaper shower at their house. I wanted our guys friends to be able to participate in some of this celebrating, so we decided to make this a couple's shower, and to get the boys over without too much hassling from their wives, I used the only weapon I could think up to get men to a baby shower-- beer. Free beer. I think men will do just about anything for free beer. So we titled the party Burgers, Beer, & Babies and sent off the invites.
There is one thing about my mom and dad-- they don't do anything "half ass." If they are throwing a party, it's balls to the wall, so to speak. The preparations started about two weeks beforehand. They are spraying the yard for bugs, replanting flower beds, scouring the barbeque pit, cleaning out the garage. My mom had already been stacking up a pile of decorations for a month. She got huge pink and white pinwheels to line the driveway, very cute. She bought out Hobby Lobby on pinwheels, some gigantic and very colorful flowers (fake, of course), paper lanterns, all kinds of stuff. She had spent FIVE HOURS making me a diaper cake, which was a centerpiece at one table, and it was the most adorable thing you'd ever seen. You wouldn't have believed it was her first one! She called it "a labor of love" and I think nearly vowed to never do it again; at least until another grandbaby comes her way. We had gone to Sam's a few days before the party to get all the food and drinks (ahem.... beer. Oh, Dr. Pepper and water, too.) We were expecting over 50 people; and as the title implies, were making hamburgers, and hot dogs for the kids. That is a lot of hamburger meat, I'll tell ya. And a lot of beer, but not nearly as much as we had expected. We also shot across the street to Wal*Mart to buy some cute plastic bowls, and toys for the kids to play with (frisbees, hula hoops, jump ropes, Nerf football, stuff like that.) By this time, my feet had about given out on me, so (and laugh if you want) I actually got on one of those motorized carts, no kidding. I didn't care by that point! That day I thought the motorized cart was the best thing ever invented! My mom laughed at me hysterically, so I had to ham it up really good.

Finally the day of the party came. My dad was a man on a mission. He had been gearing up for this day for weeks. I know it's because he wanted everything to be just perfect. By the time Will and I arrived around 11 to help set up (the party wasn't until 4:00), half the decorating was done and he and my mom were zipping around quicker than honeybees. My dad strongly believes "no rest for the weary." I've realized long ago, however, that there is a method to his madness. And if it weren't for him telling us what, where, and how to do stuff, I don't know if we would've made it all happen on time, honestly! Setting up was hard work, and took ALL.DAY.LONG. When my parents throw a party, they throw it right. Our friend Cubby came over early to help out and start making the hamburger patties. He was our chef. Cubby loves loves loves to cook, grill, bake, broil; just make food, however it's supposed to come. He's good at it, too! So we'd reserved him in advance to make us some delicious hamburgers, and that he did!

Finally, it was time for our friends to start arriving. Everyone showed up in the first hour, and the diapers and wipes were coming in by the boatload. Some also brought other presents along with the diapers. Since the party was on Cinco de Mayo, my friend Erin even bought us a "themed" gift, with diapers and wipes from the Mexican market and Dora the Explorer sippy cups. Ha! We had the music going, the barbeque pit was smoking, and our friends just a-mingling. I had my aunt there, some cousins, neighbors, and lots of friends. The toys were a big hit with all the kiddos. I was THRILLED that my good friend Sasha was able to come; she was in town from New York City. I haven't seen her since October, so I was really happy that she was there. I know she sometimes feels like she misses a lot being so far away. I tried to make my rounds and talk to as many people as possible, and I was on my feet all day and all night. Several people kept telling me that I needed to sit down, and I knew I did because my feet were growing to ginormous proportions, but I just couldn't. That's not who I am. My mama taught me how to throw a party, and how to be a hostess; and a hostess NEVER just..... SITS. It's so..... rude. And un-hostess-like. I endured. The party was supposed to end at 7:00, but it went on and on. That's how you know it's a good party! Finally around 9:00, enough people had left that the ones that were left were able to just make a circle with our chairs in the driveway for talking and laughing. I was grateful to fall into a chair, and my feet were monsterous. Dangerously so, it was probably the worst I'd ever seen them, and that's saying something. Around 10:00, everyone departed; and it was time for clean up. And no matter how much pain I was in (it had set in by now, big time), there was no way I could leave my mama to clean everything up by herself. No way. (Even if that is how she likes it.... she thinks she gets it done better that way.) Will would never let her do that, either. So against all her protests, we got everything inside, food thrown away, dishes in the sink, car packed up. Around 11:30, they all but carried me to the front seat and I rode home with ice packs on both feet; got home into bed and I slept with them on, too. It took me two days to recover. It hasn't taken me that long to recover from a party since college, and the reason wasn't nearly as fun as it was then! But the party was a huge success, and I loved seeing all our friends come together for good food, music, and camaraderie; and most importantly, to again celebrate Hayden's impending arrival. Will and I received what I would guesstimate to be about $500-$600 of wipes and diapers! What a way to set new parents up! If you are having a baby, or know a close friend that is, I highly recommend a diaper shower! It was a ton of fun and we got things that we actually need. Regular girly showers are fun (and a must), but if you're up for another get-together, go for it. We won't have to buy diapers for a loooong time. We got diapers in every size, from newborn to size 6; we even got blue jean diapers and other fun things like that. I counted 896 size one diapers alone. If she doesn't use all those, we'll just exchange them for bigger sizes. Suggestion: if you go to a diaper shower, buy the larger sizes. Everyone buys the small ones. And if you buy the baby clothes: buy the bigger sizes. Because everyone buys the small ones. Ha. I know people want to give you what you'll immediately need, and I'll never complain about a gift. But when 100 people do the same thing, you can get into a bind. So that's my baby shower etiquette advice.
Anywho, I am so incredibly grateful to my parents for doing this for Will and I. It took a lot of time, energy, and money to throw a huge party like that, and I don't know if I'll ever thank them enough because they have  done so incredibly much for us already. Since the day they found out Hayden was on her way, they've been on board doing everything they can, physically, emotionally, and financially to make this as less stressful as possible on Will and I. My mom comes over to help me clean when I'm exhausted and we go shopping together (which is fun), my dad takes me to lunch and calls everyday to check to see how I'm feeling (and ask about my feet; it really freaks him out) and drives me to doctor's appointments in the rain, my brother calls everyday to see what he can do for me before Will comes home; they bought several of the major things we needed for Hayden as gifts, along with little clothes here and there, stuff to make hair bows (this week's craft for my mom and I), cute things I've found on Etsy that I can't live without! All kinds of odds and ends, but they make all the difference in the world. Hayden's grandparents love her very, very much. And love us very, very much. So thank you, Mom and Dad, for everything you've done. It hasn't gone unnoticed, and I will never forget it. You've been there for me every day of my life, and I know that will never change. Will and I appreciate you from the bottoms of our hearts, and love you very much. Here's a few pictures of the day's events. I didn't take many during the party because I was too busy having fun, talking, and hostessing; but you'll get the idea (and you'll see the diaper cake! :)

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Some Applause for Pregnancy (Can't Complain Too Much!)

Last week I had a few complaints about being preggers. Don't get me wrong-- this has been by far the most rewarding and exciting time of my life! I have actually loved being pregnant! It may not always be a bed of roses, but the end result is still pretty sweet. And while it's been pretty difficult the last couple of weeks, and I expect that to continue until the Best Day Ever, there are some things that I totally love about baking this baby.

First of all, the thing I know I will miss most, and it almost makes me sad to think it's almost over: watching her move. Will and I laugh a lot when she really gets going. I can imagine her dancing to "Everyone is Kung Fu Fighting" in there, because that's what it looks like sometimes. Or sometimes my belly goes lopsided, or square on one side. That has been by far my favorite part. 

Second, the food. When I'm not preggers, I try to stick to a pretty strict diet; and I think it may be a little difficult to go back to that. For five months prior to my pregnancy, I had completely cut out starches, sugars, dairy, and carbs. I was only eating greens, fruits, and proteins. I won't say that it was easy, but I got used to it and my body changed A LOT after a couple of months, for the better. If I ate anything with fats, my body wanted nothing to do with it; rejected it immediately. I know I can't do that again for a while-- breast feeding and all that, but I definitely will be having to think twice again about that piece of cake or something from Sonic.  Which brings me to my next favorite thing about being preggers--

Sonic ice. Oh my gosh. Sonic ice could create world peace if everyone knew of it's delightfulness. I graduated from buying Route 44 (with extra ice) several times a day to out-and-out buying the full ten pound bag. The ten pound bag cost about the same as just one Route 44, so eventually I had to take the cost effective way. I can make my own tea, just give me the ice! It's so soft and chewable; and if you're in public and have to have a crunch (but know that it's extremely annoying to some people, namely my mom), you can take a mouthful and let it melt down just enough to a snowcone like consistency, and you're good to go. Yum. The people at our local Sonic (who have come to know me quite well) tell me this is actually quite a common phenomenon, pregnant women and their Sonic ice. I bet they'll make a killing in the next nine months with the recent popularity of "Shades of Grey." Haha. 

The nursery. Sometimes I just go in there and sit in the rocking chair for an hour, looking at everything, trying to imagine what it's going to be like. It's so peaceful. Will and I had a lot of fun turning our study into Hayden's nursery, and I think it's a room that she will enjoy playing in when she gets a little older. Being in there makes becoming a mom that much more of a reality.

Speaking of, another favorite thing has been watching Will get so excited. He has waited as long as I have for this baby. He loves putting together all of her things; swings, bouncers, pack and play, stroller, entertainer. He talks to her all the time and reads her books. I love that he has a pregnancy app on his phone so he knows what's going on with my body and how he can help me. Though he travels often for work, he is putting his family first and not traveling at all this month so he can be home to help me and ensure that he's here when it's "time." And though he initially was not that excited for the Lamaze class, he did it anyway, with gusto, and actually ended up enjoying it. His camo diaper bag was one of his birthday presents, and I think it was his favorite out of them all. He's really proud of that daddy diaper bag. I know how lucky I am to have someone with me who is so supportive and is as excited as being a new parent as I am. I love him very much.

And, though there are many more things that I have loved about being with child, I have really enjoyed how it's brought my family-- my whole family-- together. It's been a while since we had something big to celebrate. Though my wedding was only two years ago, nothing brings a family together like a baby. It is so wonderful that my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins are so thrilled and excited, and they have all gone out of their way to be so kind and thoughtful; always thinking of us, calling to check on us, etc. Sometimes life can take you away from what's most important, and Hayden has reminded us all that being together is what matters. I love my family. 

Later today we'll be going to see Miss Hayden on her 3D ultrasound, and I can hardly contain my excitement to see what she looks like. Will is coming home from early to be with me as we get our first glimpse at our little girl's face. Two o' clock can't get here fast enough. I'll be blogging a picture this afternoon or tomorrow; so hold tight until then. :) Thanks for checking in with us, friends. 

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Cue the Pomp & Circumstance!

We graduated from our four week Lamaze class last night! And I'm happy to say that Will was able to make all the classes-- we'd been a little worried since he's out of town so much for work. But, we made it through together, and it was actually a pretty fun experience. We had a really fun nurse, Lisa, who was our teacher. She's been at Clear Lake Regional Hospital for almost twenty years. She liked Will right off the bat, too. He was the most forthcoming participant. While all the other soon-to-be dads sat there like a bumps on a log and had to be poked in the ribs by their significant others to so much as answer a question, Will was right there offering up all the information he'd retained or volunteering the be the guinea pig when she needed an assistant. He walked in the first day cracking jokes (as usual) and when she was preoccupied with setting up, he was letting people know what to do when they came in late. She really appreciated that and took a liking to him from there on out. Especially when we moved off our mats and into our classroom the first day-- after we'd all found our seats, she said, "Just so ya'll know, I'm really quirky and notice quirky things. I just noticed that only TWO of you helped your partners off the floor when we made the move to the classroom." I am so proud that Will was one of those two people. She had some high expectations of him after that. I laughed at us one day after class, because I can imagine everyone in there thought we were the teacher's pets, sitting front and center (really, we did!) I was also extra proud when Will volunteered to wear the "pregnancy weight backpack" (in the front of course) for the duration of the class so he could see what it felt like to lug all that weight around. It was funny seeing him try to get up, walk, or get comfortable. I'm sure all the girls in there were jealous of my awesome husband. :)

There were nine other couples in the class with us. Will and I have this habit of whenever we are around the same people (who are strangers) for any significant amount of time: we make up nicknames for them. It started on our honeymoon at Sandals, because you see the same people everywhere you go, but you don't know who the heck they are. Now, it's something we do all the time. So we had several nicknames for the people in our class, and we didn't really care that they wore name tags. We preferred their nicknames. Here's a few: The Disney People. On the first day, the men had to introduce us both, how far along we are, who our OB and pediatrician is, what we're going to name the baby, baby's sex, and nursery theme. This guy is the first one up (right before us.... because we're front and center, lol) and tells us that their nursery theme is Disney. Now, don't get me wrong. I love most everything Disney. I love Disney World/Land, Disney books, Disney movies. But that's where it's gotta stop for me, in my opinion. I had to guffaw a little bit, because it was about the most unoriginal theme I'd ever heard of (so sue me for my creativity.) Beyond this, one or the other wore some article of clothing Disney related for the remainder of the classes. Then, Will tells me last night after class in disbelief, "Get this." (The men had gone outside to make a list of things they were going to do to be helpful both during and after delivery.) "Disney Guy tells us that they've already planned a trip to Disney World two months after their baby is born.... and they're taking the baby with them! He said the baby was conceived at Disney, so they might as well take it back there when it's born!" I can't imagine walking around Disney World with a newborn in the August heat. Seriously? I know they are going to get that baby some Mickey Mouse ears with its name embroidered on it. Or a onesie that says "Future Mouseketeer" or something.  I found this couple to be, by far, the most annoying people in the class. She was worse than him, because she always had to put in her two cents. He asked about five times if there was a DVD connection to the TVs in the hospital. He was very concerned about this. He said he didn't want to watch the boring old hospital channels. What do you mean? Like the ones you get at home? It's cable, for cripes sake. And you're going to be there for 48 hours. You'll live. If Will dragged a DVD player to the hospital with his Scary Movie trilogy, I would kill him with my eyes alone. I think Nurse Lisa was annoyed by them too. I could just tell. Next up: The Baristas. They both worked at Starbucks, so that's self explanatory. They were young, tattooed, and both of them had their ear lobes stretched to disgusting lengths. She was cute in her own way, though. I liked her red hair. Storage Baby Couple: Oh my God. I almost fell out the first time I saw them because she was SO. PREGNANT. Like, way out there. When her man introduced them, he said, "We're almost 37 weeks pregnant...." WHAT?! 37 weeks? You signed up for a FOUR WEEK Lamaze class when you are 37 weeks?! You've got to be kidding me! Then when he got to the nursery theme, he laughed and said, "Well, I guess our nursery theme is JUNK, because that's what's in the nursery right now. It's our storage room and we haven't done anything with it." WHAAAAT??? You're 37 weeks pregnant and you haven't even cleaned out the room the baby is supposed to sleep in?! Get out of town! I would be freaking out. They thought it was funny. So, they became Storage Baby. The last couple I'm going to tell you about wasn't really a couple. It was two women, one of whom is pregnant, of course. But they weren't lesbians or anything. I think the other woman was either a relative or a friend. However, they were both very large women (and by very large, I mean more than 300 pounds each, and I am NOT being facetious), the non pregnant one had hot pink bangs, and the pregnant one wore a decorative eye patch and had her brunette hair dyed blonde, and it was obviously a home job. But the eye patch was really what did it for me. I called her One Eyed Wanda, and told Willie that her baby will probably come out with a peg leg. Arrrrrrrgh!

So we never actually learned any Lamaze breathing like you see in the movies, or what our moms did. I think that's just the term they use for an educational birthing class now. We got a book, a folder to keep all the handouts from each week, and we learned a lot of stuff about birthing a child that we never knew before. Important stuff, too-- how to time contractions (kind of important), different positions that help ease pain, what our partners are expected to do, our options when it comes to pain control and the delivery of those medications, cesareans, and just about anything you can think of when it comes to delivering a baby. And it was really helpful to have a professional to answer any questions you have. She's been there, done that. And yes, we watched a video of a birth. Several births; with analgesics, with an epidural, natural, a cesarean-- you name it, we saw it. The first one we saw, they were right up in there. And when that baby's head popped out, I couldn't help but to give a little burst of laughter. It was so silent, and there I was with this sudden chortle of incredulity. I played it off like it was emotional (it kind of was) but I think my emotions didn't know where to go, so it went to the default: laughing. I was a little flabbergasted. The cesarean was the worst by far. Wow. Now I know why they put that drape up, and it's not only to keep the environment sterile. It's so you won't freak out when you see your guts splayed open with forceps. Not cool. The best part of the class was "relaxation." That's where Lisa turned out the lights, played some Piano Tribute Players (pop tunes on the piano.... always tried to Name That Tune) on Spotify, and we got ten or fifteen minutes of massage. That was the best. Another part of the class was that we also got a tour of the hospital, and that was neat. Now we know exactly what to do, where to go, and what's going to happen when it all goes down. All the rooms are private with Jacuzzi tubs and flat screen TVs. They have a warmer in the room so the baby stays in the room with you (pretty sure that's the norm these days) and I really liked that. Plus, they have this great refrigerator filled with ice chips, popsicles, and ice cream. I can deal with that. There's an extra bed for your partner to stay with you overnight, and not a cot or pull out couch either. A real hospital bed. The nurses have "companion phones" so you can call your nurse directly at any time for anything. And, I really love that they have HUGS--it's an infant security system. They put an ankle bracelet on the baby immediately after birth that matches a bar code on my hospital bracelet. If anyone takes the baby outside of the safety zone-- too near an elevator or exit-- an alarm sounds and the entire hospital goes on lockdown. The call for Code Pink and the elevators shut down and all the doors lock immediately. The zone is shown by circular tiles in the floor. That is really awesome. Clear Lake Regional is also a Texas Ten Step hospital, which is a prestigious designation developed by the Texas Hospital Association and the Texas Department of State Health Services that promotes breastfeeding through policy development, maternity care practices, resources, and training. They are very strict about this. They will not give anything artificial (bottles or pacifiers) to any breastfeeding baby. I was happy about that, too. 

I was born at Clear Lake Regional when it was Humana Hospital. So it's really neat that I'm going to have my child in the same hospital that I was born. I am so thankful that Will has been so proactive in this whole experience. He makes me proud that he's my husband. Now, all there is to do is wait. See you soon, little baby.

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Just a Complaint (or Four)

Finally entering my last month of this journey to being a mommy, and it has been quite a ride. I was looking back on some pictures earlier today from the early days of my pregnancy (and before) and wow, I had really lost a lot of weight beforehand. I don't mean to toot my own horn, but.... beep beep! I had worked really, really, really hard to lose weight for five months before I found out I was pregnant, and had lost about 35 pounds. I didn't realize the difference until now looking back! And as much as I've enjoyed being pregnant (really, I have!) I can not wait to get back to that again. Will and I are going to buy my jogging stroller with yet another gift card (LOVE gift cards!) later this week. A new jogging stroller (with an iPod connection and speakers) and an old pair of jeans hanging up for me to look at everyday are my motivation! That's what I did the first time I really committed myself to losing weight. I hung an old pair of jeans that I really wanted to get back into on the window by my bed, so they were the first thing I saw every morning and the last thing I saw every night. It was a glorious day that I slid those jeans on and they actually fit! And now I'm looking forward to that day again. I've done it once, so I know I can do it again. The weight rule I've heard is "nine months up, nine months down," so I won't be too hard on myself, I know it's yet another journey, but it will definitely be in the forefront of my mind.
My pregnancy has really been a breeze until the past couple of weeks. Most of my friends roll their eyes because I didn't have one day of morning sickness (not even a dry heave), felt relatively spritely, wore a size medium maternity jean, and had yet to develop one stretch mark. (Please hold, while I knock on some wood.) While all these things are still true, I will say that it's not as easy as it used to be now. For starters, I have put on a few more pounds than I really wanted to. Granted, my endocrinologist insists that's from my thyroid issues and quitting smoking, and that all the weight has gone where it's supposed to-- my belly. But still. I dread that damn scale every doctors visit. And with going to see my endocrinologist once a month also, that's just double the times that I have to step on the damn thing. Not my proudest moments. My face is a lot puffier than it used to be, ha ha. Not to mention (sorry, but it's true) my boobs. Good Lord Almighty. They have taken on a life of their own. They are a lifeforce unto themselves. If you see me in person often, then you know I was already "blessed" (yeah right) in this area. Big boobs are a pain in the ass, and if you want a boob job, let me highly discourage you. You can't wear cute clothes, and they are generally just annoying. So to be pregnant and filled with happiness at the greatest gift in which God could ever give me, I do find myself somewhat unhappy about the predicament these other "blessings" have gotten me into. I wear a sports bra everyday (and sleep in one too), and that is how I've avoided these so called stretch marks. However, I needed a new bra because I couldn't wear a sports bra to all my parties! My mom and I hit up A Pea in the Pod in Macy's, and thank God she was with me, because she had to catch me as I became faint at the sight of what size these monstrosities have actually become. An E! A FREAKIN' E!!!!!! As I moaned and cried with disbelief, the lady in the dressing room next to me laughed, and said, "Flaunt it, sister, I'm sixty years old and still a B!" Lady, you don't want my first world problems, okay? I called Will to tell him the news later, that my bra size started with the same letter as "elephant" and he sent me off with a "See you when I get home, Dumbo!" Lucky for him I was in a good mood. It really didn't help when my mom said, "And your milk hasn't even come in yet!" Thanks, Mom. Thanks. That's a forced smile I'm wearing, by the way. Second, my feet are out of control. Out. Of. Control. It BLOWS MY MIND at the proportions to which they can grow in just a matter of hours. If even that. My ankle gets a fat roll, and I'm not even kidding. Not even kidding! This swelling/water retention business is no joke. Will and I went to a wedding last weekend, and I was hard pressed to put on some shoes that weren't flip flops. Even flip flops leave their mark these days. Will is an expert on the Ziploc ice pack. I haven't been able to wear my wedding ring for two months, which makes me sad. I love my wedding ring. And without it on, I can feel people judging me. I want to get a tee shirt that says, "Yes, I'm married. Thank you very much." And before you ask about my blood pressure, I have PHENOMENAL blood pressure. Yesterday it was 113/62. Go figure. Next on my complaint list (hey, it's my blog, I can write about whatever I want) is that I have developed gestational carpel tunnel syndrome. What?! I had never heard of such a thing! I woke up a week ago with my hands clenched into a claw like fashion, and my knuckles (especially  my knuckles), wrists, and basically every joint on my body in some pretty intense pain. But the knuckles are the worst. The doctor says that there is a narrow passageway in our wrists that allows for fluid to pass that acts as a lubrication to our joints in our hands; and because of my swelling, this passage way has been all but cut off. My hands and forearms get numb or fall asleep very easily now. And the pain in my fingers is substantial. It's supposed to pass after delivery; and until then, I'm supposed to "rest" my hands. Okay. How do you do that? Don't you know I have nesting and Facebooking to do? These hands know no rest! She wants me in splints, but I'm holding out on that for now. The lower back pain has become second nature. I was already walking like an old lady and basically living on a heating pad, and now my hands betray me too. Thanks a lot, body that worked out 4 times a week for the last few years. All that conditioning, and this is how you repay me? Just wait until after this baby is born. I'm going to have a bone to pick with you. And last (yes, we're nearing the end of my complaining) the peeing. My God, the peeing! Sorry for being so blunt, but there is no easy way to say it. If I'm not on a heating pad, I'm in the bathroom. I know Hayden is head down now, because she had hiccups the other day and it was way low. And her heartbeat is also below my belly button; so she's made the turn (thank goodness.) But her head sits right on top of my bladder, like my bladder is a little pillow to cushion her precious head. And when I gotta go, I gotta GO. Intense pain ensues if I do not relieve myself immediately. And when I do, it's a trickle. Like four drops of pee. All that pain for THAT? You'd think I was harboring Niagra Falls in my bladder, but no. It doesn't even constitute a dripping faucet. And so I'm in and out, in and out, in and out, every five minutes (literally five minutes) all the day and night long. It's misery, I tell you, misery! And highly inconvenient. There is no need for me to go to the bathroom four times in Target while grocery shopping, as it so happened last Friday. I had to abandon my cart and run (okay, lumber) to the bathroom at the front of the store, of course, FOUR TIMES! Ridiculous! I can only imagine what I looked like as I waddled as swiftly as possible without running over any small children. If I had an elephant trunk, I'd be throwing it in the air and braying like I was a one-woman stampede. With these boobs and ankles, I just might be turning into one. Maybe the stork will deliver Hayden to my circus car while "Baby of Mine" croons in the background. Sigh. Okay. I'm done now. If you've held on for this long, I thank you. My ten pound bag of Sonic ice (I'm serious) and my heating pad are calling my name. Until next time....

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