Dear Sasha

I took Sasha to her annual check up last week and some surprising news came up that I didn't expect. When they brought her back in from weighing her, the vet tech told me she weighed eight and a half pounds. I could feel myself frowning. I asked what she had weighed the last time we were there. I knew it definitely wasn't in the eight pound range. She is usually at the top of the nine pound range and I'm always very careful about the amount of food I feed her. The tech looked at her chart and told me she had lost a pound. I didn't like the sound of that. I actually had not even noticed. It made me nervous. The veterinarian came in and told me all the reasons this could have happened, including kidney disease, which is very common in older cats. Sasha is about middle aged at nine and a half years old. I luckily had a general health profile done on her last year with a series of tests, which all came back normal. They decided to do another one this year to compare the results. I was praying she was only dehydrated. Unfortunately, her tests came back with elevated numbers pertaining to her kidneys. The next morning, I took her in for a urinalysis. This would tell them if it was actually her kidneys, or dehydration. I took her in the morning, hoping she had some urine already, but she didn't, so they had to keep her for several hours until she had to use the bathroom again. I cried when I left her. I was so afraid for her health, and I know she didn't want to be left there. She hates the vet. I just wanted to hold her and tell her it would be alright. Sasha is my first child, really. That may sound silly to those of you who don't own pets, but it's true. She's my family. She's been with me through everything, for so long. She's been my pal, my confidante. She's consoled me when I'm sad and has experienced my happiness. I love her very much. I returned that afternoon to pick her up. As I sat in the waiting room with Hayden on my knee waiting for the veterinarian, the receptionist asked me, "How old is your baby?" "Nine," I replied. She raised her eyebrows in surprise. "Nine? Like, nine months?" Me: "Oh. My human baby?" Laugh out loud! I had been so worried about my "baby" all day, I thought she'd been talking about the cat! Ha! The veterinarian called us back (after much fluttering about my human baby from all the techs and receptionists, Hayden receives love everywhere she goes.) The veterinarian did inform me that Sasha had the beginnings of kidney disease. It hurt my heart so much and I was in shock. She reassured me she was in very, very early stage one; and that this is nothing that will affect her for most likely years to come. She would be putting Sasha on a special dietary food to slow down the disease. Still. I am crushed to know what is going to take her in the end. As slow progressing as it is, this is a terminal disease. I talked to my friend Erin about it, who used to be a vet tech. She reassured me that she had seen many cats with kidney disease that live ten plus years, and that the diet really helps. It just hurts and takes some getting used to. I always thought Sasha was going to be one of those cats that live to be twenty years old, and that Hayden would grow up with her. And look, I know-- the reality is, our pets eventually pass away. We eventually pass away. Our loved ones, too. It's the circle of life, and all that. I know we're all here for a limited amount of time, animals and humans alike. It's just not a pleasant thing to face at all. I hate even thinking about it. I know it will hurt and I know it will cry, and I know I will grieve; and that's the worst feeling on the face of the earth.
I don't want Sasha to get old, sick, or hurt. If it comes time that her quality of life is no longer viable, then I will be her friend and her mommy and do what I have to do to help her. As Will keeps telling  me, until that day comes, we will love and appreciate Sasha every day. I showered her with attention before the baby, and I know she's felt a little sidelined since Hayden was born. I'm making sure she doesn't feel that way any more. She's getting as much love as possible. It's also funny how God knows what's coming up in our lives and He works to provide for us-- these tests and medical bills for Sasha were several hundred more dollars than I had expected to spend at just the annual exam. This particular paycheck was the first time that they aligned just right calendar-wise that I did not owe a mortgage payment or a truck payment, so we had the  money to afford the tests without putting it on our credit card (I would've if I had to, but I love being debt free.) I had been looking forward to saving that money, but she was worth every penny. I called Will to let him know what the costs were at the vet's office. "So?" he said. "She's our daughter." And THAT is why I have the best husband in the world. Kitty, too. We love you, Sasha.

Pin It