I always thought I would get married when I was young and be a young mom. I suppose I thought that because that's what my mom did. (She always reminds me that it was "different back then.") It did not happen that way for me. God had a different plan. It came with some stumbles and many (I hate to say a lot of) tears. I had a hardship destined for me to experience that not many people my age experience. Ever. I had to take some steps back and start over. I had to start my search over again. Not only for my husband, but now for myself. Who was I? Where was I going? What did I want in this life? And how was I going to get there? Luckily, I had a strong, strong family to help me. I had parents who loved me immensely (and each other-- that always helps), and a brother that would fight for me when I was too tired to fight for myself. He would defend me against all the lions, tigers, and bears in the world if he had to. I had a safe shelter to grow again. I found wonderful, true friends during this time in my life. Ironically, it was a group of boys (and Erin) that had been best friends since junior high. In fact, I'd known them since junior high, but had never really gotten to know them. God brought them into my life when I needed true friends more than any other time in my life. They also took me under their wings and protected me. They helped make me feel whole again. They made me feel wanted and accepted, which I really needed. I'm happy to say that all these boys are STILL good friends, and some of my best friends, and their wives are, too. I'm happy that their children will be playmates with my children. God blessed me with what I needed right when I needed it. He has a funny way of doing that. But still-- where was my husband?? I was looking everywhere now and he was nowhere. Nowhere! I was begininning to wonder if I would EVER find him. A relationship would begin; it would end. Begin. End. Begin. End. Each ending was accompanied by more tears. That heartbreak, it's a real tearjerker. Heartbreak is..... well, heartbreaking. It's a physical pain. I think that surprises some when they experience it for the first time. It physically hurts. Like a limb has been torn from your body. You can feel your heart aching right there in the middle of your chest. Some of those heartbreaks were real whoppers. It's disappointing to be so sure of someone, and then find out that they weren't who you thought at all. And everything changes. I don't do change that well. But it was in the "meantime" of those relationships that I may have been at my best. That's when I traveled, to Europe, to Mexico, to Las Vegas, to New York, California. I met new people, made friends, had adventures. Though it was still a little painful, those were the most exciting times of my life! I was experiencing things that I may not have experienced otherwise. But somewhere, deep in my heart, I was still longing for my husband. My ray of hope was dimming a little. I was quickly approaching thirty. By the time my mom was thirty, she had a ten year-old me. I remember my mom crying and fretting to her best friend when she turned thirty. I remember sitting in her friend's bedroom circa 1988 (mirrors and everything) and my mom exclaiming that she was THIRTY, what now?! I wasn't going to have anyone to remember something like that about me. I was still alone. Well. You know that cliche, it's going to happen when you least expect it? Well, of course it did. When I met Will (through one of those wonderful guy friends that was brought into my life so many years before.... ironically, he is also named Ashley), I had hot pink and silver glitter spray painted into my pigtails. (This was not a normal style for me, but I had been running the "hair salon" at my elementary school's carnival earlier.) Will did not really know what to make of me (he actually thought I was a stripper.... yes, stripper! The hair threw him a little bit. I guess the College Park Elementary t-shirt was a non-issue for him.) What a jerk! I thought. Maybe a cute jerk, but still a jerk! Of course I made every effort to harass him. All. Night. Long. He had red hair, for crying out loud. Sometime during the wee hours of the night (or morning), I must have greatly impressed him with my fantastic Guitar Hero skills. I WAS jamming, if I do say so myself. At that time, I was a Guitar Hero legend. I had flying fingers. But I say he must of been impressed, because he text me from the airport the next day (oh yeah..... he lived in Midland. He was only in town for the weekend. Anything coming of this was close to nil, so I was trying to be nonchalant. As Ashley's wife Amy put it, "he's geographically unavailable.") But he text me and said he'd never really met anyone like me. Aw. That Monday morning, I thought, that was so nice, I'm going to tell him to have a great week. So I did, and his reply was that he had woke up missing me, and that he hadn't felt that in a long time. Well. That pretty much did me in. We started talking and texting every day, for hours. I stopped seeing and talking to anyone that I had been casually seeing or talking to. It was just Will. Two weeks later, he flew back into town again, but this time to visit ME. That was it. We were official. I had conquered the geographically unavailable jerk. And I LIKED him. Because he wasn't really a jerk. He was the nicest any boy had ever been to me. He says he was a jerk because he didn't want to like me, it was his defense against all my charms and joie de vivre. A year to the day after we met, he surprised me with a trip to Boston. And in the rain in a courtyard between the Boston Public Library and the Trinity Church (one of the oldest in America) he asked me to marry him. I had found my husband. Finally, he had been found! We got married ten months later in the biggest and most beautiful wedding I could ever ask for, in front of 300 family and friends, in the most beautiful historic church in Houston with a long marble aisle and a grand organ; and partied like rock stars at the Rice Hotel, in the same ballroom with the balcony that John F. Kennedy gave the last speech of his life. And now, two years later, we are expecting the arrival of our little girl, and I couldn't imagine anyone who is going to be a better dad. Will is already the best husband I could ever ask for. Before he came, I had always been what I call the "gardener." I had gardened, and tilled, and pulled weeds, and did everything I could to make every relationship before him look pretty. It always wilted in the end, and there were times I didn't understand why. With Will, I get to finally be the flower. Of course we both work on our relationship, but everyday he makes me feel loved, appreciated, wanted, respected. He makes me laugh until I'm literally crying daily. Even if we argue, at the end, we're laughing. He lets me know that he thinks of me all day. He does things for me that I could or would never ask of anyone else, and I tell him everything. He is my very best friend. I'm so grateful and thankful everyday for God bringing him to me, for saving him just for me. Now, all the heartbreaks make sense. Now, all the tears were worth it. All the years I spent living life for myself were well spent, because I will never regret not having an experience I feel like I missed out on. I spent nearly a decade trying to figure out what life was all about, but in the end, it just fell into my lap just like it was supposed to; gift wrapped and pretty for me to open and enjoy. I suppose that's what faith is about-- having faith that God has you on this path for a reason, regardless of the hardships; and that in the end, it's going to be better than you ever imagined. It always works out. Now I have all the answers to my questions-- I know just who my husband is. And when I was a little girl, wondering where he was; now I know-- Denver, Colorado! I never thought I'd marry anyone from Denver, anyone with red hair, or anyone named Willie for that matter. But I did. And I wouldn't change it for anything.
I love you, Willie. ♥
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